Why Communication Standards Matter More Than Ever (And What Dance Lessons Taught Me About Feedback)

This past week, I had the opportunity to spend time with a client during their staff retreat. They were a values-driven team — thoughtful, committed, and genuinely connected. One thing they were especially proud of was their Team Communication Commitments — a beautifully written list of values and intentions around how they want to speak and listen to one another at work.

They said things like:

“I will respect others, even when it means having difficult conversations.”
“I will take time to get to know my team members.”
“I will connect in person for sensitive matters instead of hiding behind email.”

It was moving to see — the kind of language that tells you this isn’t just a team doing a job, it’s a team that cares.

But then something interesting came up.

Despite having these values printed, posted, and agreed upon... people still weren’t having the conversations that mattered most.

They were afraid — afraid to say the wrong thing, afraid to hurt feelings, afraid to create conflict in a space built on kindness.

And that's when we realized:
👉 They weren’t missing values. They were missing structure.

Enter: The Dance Teacher Analogy

One of the leaders at the retreat shared a story that landed so powerfully, I haven’t stopped thinking about it.

He talked about his daughters in dance class — how their teacher regularly offers correction. Not because they’re doing something wrong, but because she wants them to reach their full potential.

“The best teachers,” he said,
“Give more feedback, not less.
Because they care more, and they want their students to grow.”

Isn’t that exactly what great teams do, too?

We give feedback not to criticize — but to connect.
To refine. To lift each other up. To help each other shine.

But giving feedback in the workplace often feels… risky.
Because we haven’t normalized it. We haven’t structured it. We haven’t created a shared agreement that this is what we do here — and this is how we do it.

From Philosophy to Practice: Building Communication Standards That Work

Here’s the truth:

Values are beautiful.

But values without structure is just wall art.

We need to bring them to life with behavioural agreements — clear, simple standards that everyone can understand, use, and trust.

One of the practical communication principles I love is the “Three Emails, Then We Talk” rule.

Here’s how it works:

If a conversation takes more than three email exchanges,
we stop typing and start talking. That might mean a quick phone call, a Zoom, or walking over to someone’s desk.

This one principle alone has saved teams hours of wasted time — and helped prevent misunderstandings before they snowball.

It’s simple. It’s doable. And most importantly — it’s clear.

Another practical communication principles I love is “If you’re stuck, sensing tension, or unsure where something stands — book a short meeting instead of stewing in silence.

Why it works:

• Encourages proactive communication.

• Reduces guesswork, bottlenecks, and avoidable delays.

• Normalizes check-ins and keeps minor issues from turning into big ones.

• Quick clarity chats save time, build trust, and move things forward faster.

Real-world phrasing:

“Let’s not ping-pong this back and forth — want to book 15 minutes to align?”

One of the most effective tools we discussed was the idea of naming the conversation before it happens. When teams have a shared language for giving feedback, like calling it a clarity chat, a growth conversation, a reset conversation, or even a simple check-in, it takes the fear out of the moment. Instead of blindsiding someone with unexpected criticism, you're setting the stage for a thoughtful, constructive exchange. It creates emotional safety. It signals care. And it reminds everyone that feedback isn’t a punishment — it’s part of how we grow, together.

Communication Isn’t Just Culture — It Is the Workplace

This month in The People First Club, we’re focusing on precisely this:

Building Your Communication Standards — Practical, Kind, and Clear

We’ll move beyond abstract values and into real-life, day-to-day behaviours:

• How we respond to each other.

• How we handle difficult conversations.

• How do we make sure nobody’s left in the dark.

• And how we build brave spaces where feedback feels safe.

Because communication isn’t a soft skill, it’s a survival skill.

And when we get it right, everything else gets easier.